:/

I don't feel like coming up with a title today. I'm upset. I'm trying to lose weight. I had a couple of off days- lunch at a decidedly unhealthy establishment with a girlfriend and then a double date at a pub. As a result, I gained 2 lbs. That puts me right back at 181. It is depressing. It is frustrating. I know it's my own fault. But it also makes me want to just cut out a few meals. It's not starving myself, but it's controlling what I eat. By not eating. I had a blueberry muffin for breakfast, and I just keep thinking about how long that could last me. I don't want to have to eat lunch. I don't want to be fat. I don't want to hate mirrors. But even if I lose the weight, will that ever actually happen? I'm guessing no. If I'm overweight, I'll hate myself for being fat. If I'm slim, I'll hate what the slim me represents. There is no winning. I wish there were middle ground. But I don't know. I'm just ready for warm sunny days. They always help brighten my mood. Being down is crappy. Being down on a cloudy icky day is the pits.